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From James Greaves, longtime friend.
I read your story in it's entirity, and the other stories you sent me. The story idea had potential as well as the ones I have read recently. I have to explain something to you now... Every story I read of yours is not written with a specific point of view in mind. The reader knows what everyone is saying, doing, and thinking simultaneously. This disallows the use of imagination because the reader is aware everything, and nothing is left to the imagination, which to me is the point of reading a good book for escapism purposes.
The following are the types of prose that stories are usually written in.
1st person -- narrativation (the character ideas thoughts, actions, surroundings as seen by the lead character (protagonist). This also can be done for the opposing character (antagonist) in the story in different chapters of the book as long as the action is not simultaneous with the protagonist
2nd person -- Story is dictated by an outside character relaying the story without firsthand knowledge of the characters thoughts and emotions being directly known.
3rd person -- omnicient: The narrator knows about the characters and some or all of their actions and emotions.
Check and english book for a better explanation of these points of view for writing because I am going off my memory.
You may not want to read this or like what I said about your writing, but unfortunately creative ideas are not enough to be translated into a good story. There must be a strong mechanical technique to good writing that may be painstaking to learn, but important if you are going to get the reader interested in your characters and location. Now instead of getting serverely pissed off and saying stuff like "WHAT DOES HE KNOW! HE'S NOT A WRITER! ETC. ", continue reading.
That's right, I do not profess to be a writer or aspiring writer, I am a READER. When I read a book like most people I get in the characters, the story, the genre of the story being told because imagination has taken over because the words CREATE that place in my mind. Then I know the story I have read is a good story because I have INTERACTED with that story like the author intended.
You know how this works Chris because you have read many books in your life. Your positive qualities of your writing are your imagination and knowledge of the genre, it just does not get delivered to the reader like you would have intended when you wrote the work. You know the characters motivations and intentions and you interact with the story, and you need your readers to do the same thing, to feel the same way you do when your write your stories. You have all the material for building a house, you just need to have the proper tools.
Note From Chris: Hey, every comment has been noted and taken into consideration! The only way a man can improve is by listening to both the positive and negative comments he receives. Prime example of this are comments made by a friend named Christi. She said that I really have to change the tense that I write in. Well, it's been done and my writing only improved because of it.
Thanks James. Duely noted and put away for reference.
From David Mitchell, founder of the Deathlands Fan Club
Well, I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I seriously think you may want to give writing a try. I'm DEAD serious. The story had flow, plot, great descriptions, and action!!! Remember, I started to read as a means to escape the fear of operations/Cancer in about 1970; I'm NO rookie!! I've seen the BAD books and the best, as in Laurence. I've read the Iliad, Homer, and I speak 3 languages. If I say you're good, well, I pretty much think it would hold up!!! A SPAS 15??? NICE!!! One of the original "Room Brooms", as my Fathers men used to say! Did you know the Aussies have a Silenced version??(Yep!) They say you hear a "Clicking" as it goes through the belt; YOW!!! Helluva suppresser to quiet a 12 gauge. down!! That's what's nice about having access to my Fathers new weapons books each month; you stay right on top, and can tell what's for real. (and not!!)
Where did you learn to treat open wounds?? That's uncommon. Yet, you had it right!! ( Mine's from experience, sorry to say!!) Nice, realistic combat scenes, too.
Just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed the first chapter of From the Future, to the Future. I liked how you made the character a part of the Deathlands and not someone you're trying to make "fit into" the Deathlands image and, that your story captures the essence of the Deathlands one would expect to find in the earlier books of the series. It's not something far fetched that would take away from what fans enjoy. You show great talent. Looking forward to the rest.
Oh, I really like Silvermane!! Wish you would make it more than just a short story.
From Laurence James: Author of the series.
Thanks also for sending me that chunk of your text. I was very impressed with it.
Email Address withheld due to authors wish for privacy, but if you wish to confirm this statement, check with David Mitchell.
From Joseph Benedetto Jr. Author of "Desert Search and Final Watch" For the RPG "The Morrow Project"
By the way, one thing tripped me during the--ok, two things. One, in that fiction where the hero gets separated from Trader and the others and ends up blowing his way into the bunker: the message that tells him how to get inside--I did not pick up how it was written. On a note taped to the wall? Painted on the concrete? If it was just taped there, wouldn't the hero take it down and pocket it to keep muties from getting behind him?
Two, the line where he enters the first room of the armories--the line describes how the racks one may have held thousands of weapons--it seemed a laboriously contrived syntax, took me a moment to understand the content.
Well, there you go, one question on detail and another on grammar. Boy, this is a graphic series--blood and splatters. And I was surprised to see it in third person present tense: "He sees a movement to his right and shoots at it as he leaps the fallen logs and scrambles into the ravine." Rather fascinating premise. Suppose I'd better confess i'd never heard of the series until you mentioned it to me. Man, it sounds nice!
Gedoena: Real name withheld at reviewer's request.
I love the story!! It is going great so far.
Probably I am a bit surprised that he trusts her so quickly and vice versa...hmmm....
I like how you set her up, though. Oohh...and so kewl how you kept in my time traveling and messed up age parts!!
Thanx so much for letting me be in your story!
Yesterday I read the short story and the unfinished book you wrote. I think you should finish the book and get it published. Maybe Mr. James will help, he already likes your stories.
Good Story, (it's becoming clear to me now). I like how you've introduced and explained Gedoena's appearance and the background of the story is nicely explained (Attitudes and such towards the scientists). Now eagerly awaiting the next part of it :)
Please continue your fiction...just fantastic...look out Laurence!
Cool stuff! Nice to encounter a mutie who isn't sick, twisted or demented. Brett Maverick is cool too. I cracked up when the mutie girl quoted Sigourney Weaver from Aliens, that kicked ass! Listen, you planning to write more than those first 3 parts?
I really enjoyed reading your piece of fiction , have you thought of doing that professionaly ? Thank you so much ! -Laura-
There is a hidden talent that you are only now showing. You seriously have to get some of your work published. If not that, then at least try to get one of the Deathland books. The last few have totally been, well.....bad. At least if you got in there you might be able to salvage the series or at least hang on to it. It seems to me that they are giving the books out to anyone so why not you eh. Kepp up the good work.
Created on 07/24/97
Updated on 11/27/98
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