Wile E 5000 Part 1

By Den

Ryan opened his eye. With a sharp intake of breath, he sat bolt upright. He remembered going to sleep in a forest, yet there he was, lying on desert sand, surrounded by cacti and scrub brush. Already badly shaken, Ryan received another shock when he took inventory of he companions, who were all still sleeping. They all looked ok, until Ryan got to Jak. Where Jak had been sleeping the night before now slumbered Michael Brother! It was shocking enough to wake up in an entirely different part of Deathlands than where he had fallen asleep; finding one of his erstwhile companions not only missing, but replaced by a dead man was almost too much for even Ryan's iron nerves. The last the companions had seen of Michael Brother, he had hanged himself after witnessing the death of Jak's family. Ryan uttered an incoherent exclamation, waking the rest of his companions, including Michael Brother, who by all rights should be six feet underground many 100's of miles away. As the group members jerked awake from Ryan's outburst, they all received the same shock as Ryan. All were quite confused, Michael Brother most of all, his last memory was dangling at the end of a rope. Doc started muttering. To Most of the group it sounded like incoherent nonsense, but Mildred recognized it for what it was. Doc was reciting Einstein's theory of relativity. Curiouser and curiouser. The companions were becoming more shaken by the second, when suddenly Krysty exclaimed; "Ryan, I feel strange. I think I feel a new Gaia power coming on!" Krysty clutched her head between her hands and moaned, while rocking back and forth. Suddenly she emitted a high-pitched scream and fell forward. Ryan and co. rushed too her assistance. Krysty sat up, when Ryan queried how she felt, Krysty looked up at him and said, "I don't know, I feel like I was in contact with something. "AHEM!!!" The group turned to the sound, drawing their blasters as they did do. Behind them, where nothing was there before, sat a red and black machine, with buttons on it. Mildred exclaimed "My god, it's a blasted Coke machine." "Oh contraire, my ebony princess, I am much more than that." It talks, said Mildred. I can't believe this, said Mildred, a god damned, rad blasted talking Coke Machine." "Actually, I am a Wile E. 5000 A.I., class suuperr genius. My creators housed me in this form so that I would be inconspicuous. I am the end product of project I Need a Miracle. The scientists who created me wished to learn the secrets of the universe." "Enough already!" exclaimed Ryan; "Just what in rad blasted hell is going on!" "That, my impatient friend, is why I came here, to answer all your questions. I felt the summoning from the redheaded member of your party and here I am. You are all undoubtedly wondering why your lives have been so inconsistent lately, culminating with your current situation. Here, in a nutshell, is the answer. There are many universes, all coinciding at the same time. A god, whose name was LJ, created this universe. LJ was a meticulous god, and a firm believer in order. After a time, this god moved on to a higher plane of existence and could no longer maintain this universe. The task of maintaining this universe was taken over by a multitude of smaller gods, the skill level varying from god to god. The gods take turns maintaining this universe, and here, my friends, is where your troubles lie. None of the gods has any particular interest in the works of his predecessors, so when a new god takes his turn he reshapes the universe to his will, disregarding the work of the god before him." "Hot pipe!" exclaimed Dean, "What are we supposed to do?" "Pray," said Wile E. "Pray that either one god becomes powerful enough to drive out the others, so that his is the only vision and consistency thus returns. Failing that, you can only pray that the gods at least get together amongst themselves and agree to maintain order and consistency when one god takes over from another. Until then, my friends, have a Coke and a smile."

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